


Gay Disaster

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ALANA BECK PROTECTION SQUAD 2k17, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Chapter 4 contains sexting, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor has an Evan kink, Connor is majorly gay, F/F, Feedback Desired, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, OOC, One Big Happy Family, Other, Tagged as it happens, Texting, The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman, Trees, Zoe and Connor get along, chopped liver?, crackfic, lots of band refrences, overtagged, they're happy, what am i
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A stupid series of chatlogs between DEH characters.





	1. Et Tu, Alana??

_Connor Murphy has added Jared K, Zoe Murphy, and Alana Beck to the chat_

_Connor Murphy_ : okay so i added everyone, but really all i need is zo and jared  
 _Alana Beck_ :....Well,alright.

_Alana Beck has changed their name to chopped liver_   
_Zoe Murphy has changed Connor Murphy's name to gay disaster_

_gay disaster_ :thanks, sis  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : Anytime :)  
 _Jared K_ :So whats the deal?  
 _gay disaster_ : its about evan  
 _Jared K_ : ;)  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : ;)  
 _chopped liver_ : ;)  
 _gay disaster_ : you guys suck  
 _Jared K_ : For real, what's the issue?  
 _gay disaster_ : well.....  
 _gay disaster_ : i might have...  
 _gay disaster_ : a tiiiiny crush?  
 _gay disaster_ : guys are you there?  
 _chopped liver_ : Sorry, Zoe's recording something.  
 _Zoe Murphy sent an audio file_  
 _Jared K_ : Is that just you saying "gayyyyy"?  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : FUCKIN GAYYYYYYYYYYY  
 _gay disaster_ : you all suck.  
 _gay disaster_ : except for alana.

_gay disaster has changed chopped liver's name to connor's favorite_

_connor's favorite_ : Aw, thank you, Connor. :)  
 _connor's favorite_ : You're one of my favorite aquantices as well!  
 _gay disaster_ : *friend  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : Betrayed by my own brother. :,(  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : Et tu, Alana?  
 _gay disaster_ : alana has come to   
the dark side  
 _Jared K has changed their name to bathbombcroncher_  
 _bambbombcroncher_ : More like the gay side amiright

_gay disaster has removed themself from the chat_

_bathbombcroncher has added  
EHansen to the chat_   
_bathbombcroncher has changed EHansen's name to acorn_

_acorn_ : ????  
 _acorn_ : hi guys....  
 _acorn_ : did somebody need me?  
 _connor's favorite_ : Now you're just  
being cruel, Jared.  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : Hey, Evan!  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : Scroll up real quick. To the top!  
 _acorn_ : um...okay?  
 _acorn_ :wait what???  
 _acorn_ : um  
 _acorn_ : guys?  
 _acorn_ : connor?  
 _acorn_ : anybody...?

_read at 11:45 PM_


	2. Touché

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _bathbombcroncher_ : Fucking Murphys....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GEEZ PRIMA, YOUR MOM LET YOU POST TWO SHITTY CHAPTERS???

_gay disaster_ : i hate you i hate all of you  
 _gay disaster_ : arrrrgh  
 _bathbombcroncher_ : So?? When are you going out???  
 _gay disaster_ : idk he said maybe tuesday?  
 _gay disaster_ : he had the cutest fucking blush when he did  
 _gay disaster_ : it went over his freckles and it was insane  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : Can you go be gay somewhere else...?  
 _gay disaster_ : THIS WAS YOUR IDEA ZOE  
 _Zoe Murphy_ : Touché.

_gay disaster has changed Zoe Murphy's name to brutus_

_brutus_ : Is that because of the Et Tu? comment?  
 _gay disaster_ : yup.

_brutus changed gay disaster's name to ceaser_

_ceaser_ :.....touché.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are v nice!!!


	3. Naming Ceremony

_acorn_ : today was nice...  
 _ceaser_ : see? third dates are still cool.  
 _acorn_ : did i say they weren't?

_ceaser has changed acorn's name to cutiepie_

_cutiepie_ : !!!!! connor!  
 _ceaser_ : hm?  
 _cutiepie_ : that's embarassing!!!  
 _ceaser_ : it is?  
 _cutiepie_ : YES!!!  
 _ceaser_ : hmm, okay...

_ceaser has changed cutiepie's name to sweetiepie_

_sweetiepie_ : CONNOR!!!!

_ceaser has changed sweetiepie's name to prince_

_ceaser_ : :)  
 _prince_ : >:O

_prince has changed ceaser's name to princess_

_brutus_ : OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED!

_princess has changed brutus's name to lowly servant_

lowly servant: Tbh I was asking for that one.

_prince has changed their name to notcute!!!stopitconnor_

_princess has changed notcute!!!stopitconnor's name to superdupercutiepie_

_superdupercutiepie has changed princess's name to assholeboyfriend_

_bathbombcroncher has changed their name to holyshit!soundthealarms!evanhansencursed_

_connor's favorite has reverted everyone to original chatnames_

Alana Beck: Now shut the fuck up. I'm studying.  
Alana Beck: And yes, Evan is quite a cutie. Accept it, Evan.  
EHansen: >:O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HTML MAKES ME WANNA HTMDIE


	4. Just Wanted To Say....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexting!!!! Please give me feedback, im new to smut/smutlike content and id like to know what im doing right and what im doing wrong :)

[3:35 PM]  
 _Connor Murphy has created a private chat with EHansen_  
 _Connor Murphy has changed their  name to CM_  
 _CM has changed their name to cornermarket_  
 _cornermarket has changed their name to cantdecideonadamnnickname_  
 _cantdecideonadamnnickname has changed their name to icantdecide_  
 _icantdecide has changed their name to scissorsister_  
 _scissorsister has changed their name to scissorbrother_

 _scissorbrother_ : thatll do  
 _EHansen_ : sweetie im trying to study >:O  
 _EHansen_ : dont make me turn my notifications off!!!  
 _scissorbrother_ : aww you called me sweetie <3

_scissorbrother has changed their name to sweetie_   
_EHansen has changed their name to annoyed_

_sweetie_ : :(  
 _annoyed_ : arrrgh.  
 _annoyed_ : are you okay?  
 _sweetie_ : im fine yeah, over at alana's but she's asleep  
 _sweetie_ : even tho its supposed to be the day i hang out with idk my best friend  
 _annoyed_ : what am i, chopped liver?  
 _sweetie_ : noo, you're my cute bf  
 _annoyed_ : w/e. i need to study.  
 _sweetie_ : and i need you.  
 _annoyed_ : !!!!  
 _sweetie_ : what are you wearing? right now?  
 _annoyed_ : CONNOR!!!  
 _sweetie_ : what??? im in a's bathroom nobodyll see me  
 _sweetie_ : unless...you rly dont want to  
 _sweetie_ : did i make you uncomfortable?  
 _sweetie_ : evan?  
 _annoyed_ : no! im okay! you just took me by suprise....  
 _sweetie_ : guess ill let you get back to studying....  
 _annoyed_ : nonono stay!  
 _annoyed_ : not like i can focus now anyways....  
 _annoyed_ : so are we....sexting?  
 _sweetie_ : if you want....  
 _annoyed_ : i want.  
 _sweetie_ : um cool...  
 _sweetie_ : you can, uh, back out at any time?  
 _annoyed_ : good to know <3  
 _annoyed_ : so by what im wearing do you mean underwear or clothes?  
 _sweetie_ : anything on you is gonna look good, ev.  
 _sweetie_ : ev?  
 _annoyed_ : hm  
 _sweetie_ : you went quiet for a sec  
 _sweetie_ : oh...  
 _sweetie_ : you must be touching yourself, yeah?  
 _annoyed_ : bingo  
 _sweetie_ : and ive hardly said anything.  
 _annoyed_ : !!  
 _sweetie_ : like about how badly i wanna touch you instead. slow, gently, so you get a chance to look at how fucking pretty you are.  
 _sweetie_ : could like fuck uou against a mirror....so you could see how goregous you'd look like that?  
 _sweetie_ : and id cover you in hickies just so everyone on this god fosraken planett knew who you fuvking belonged to,  
 _sweetie_ : id wreck your beautiful ass, hansen

[3:45 PM]

 _annoyed_ : you came to, right?  
 _sweetie_ : basically right when i cut off there.  
 _annoyed_ : i um...want some of that stuff to happen. maybe.  
 _annoyed_ : the mirror thing....  
 _sweetie_ : you're beautiful.  
 _annoyed_ : thanks, con...  
 _sweetie_ : np <3  
 _annoyed_ : i should shower! ttyl bye  
 _sweetie_ : wait evan

_annoyed has logged off_

_sweetie_ :....just wanted to say i'm falling in love with you.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: hopeless-primadonna


End file.
